Facing our own death or losing someone we love… most of us try not to think about the D-word, much less talk about it over the dinner table.
Nevertheless, our resistance is profound. According to a recent survey by Hospice New Zealand, 69% of respondents admit feeling uncomfortable talking about death, despite 82% having experienced the loss of a loved since 2022. Interestingly, a third of participants would rather discuss their weight than confront mortality.
Tong & Peryer Funeral Directors believe that discussing death is crucial because death is an inevitable part of life. Branch Manager, Steve Shaw, says, “It’s understandable that many people struggle to talk about death and their final wishes; it’s an incredibly emotive topic and, unsurprisingly, people don’t always know how to broach the subject, especially with those closest to them. People have said to me, it feels like they are opening the door and inviting death in, but we know that’s not how it works.”
Steve emphasises the need for a cultural shift, “People find ‘it’ a difficult topic as it usually brings up a lot of feelings: anxiety, fear, awkwardness, sadness. We tend to pretend, as a culture, that it’s not going to happen and something we can worry about later. When it does come, we see so many people thrown by the strong emotions it brings up – we’ve all heard stories about families falling out over the type of funeral, the cost, the good old ‘they didn’t want a fuss’ and then regretting not doing something more meaningful.
We know change won’t happen overnight, but taking the initiative to talk openly is crucial for a more positive and informed approach to end-of-life matters – ahead of time – so that feelings can be faced, processed and relationships set straight before it does eventually happen.
Whilst resistance remains strong, Steve believes the funeral home has an integral part to play in overcoming fear and promoting meaningful conversations about dying.
This is the first of a series of casual conversations, offering tips and guidance, and general information to start to open the dialogue and help break the taboo surrounding death.
