How to Truly Support a Grieving Friend
When someone we care about loses a loved one, it’s natural to want to ease their pain—to somehow make it better. Grief can feel overwhelming and unpredictable, and for those who witness it in others, it can feel equally daunting to know how to help or what to say. In many cases, people even avoid those close to them becuase it can be so uncomfortable. But even though we can’t fix their pain, we can walk beside them through it.
Being present for a grieving friend isn’t about having the perfect words—it’s about showing up with love, consistency, and genuine compassion. Here are some heartfelt ways you can offer meaningful support, and a few gentle reminders of what to avoid along the way.
Be a Safe and Steady Presence
One of the greatest gifts you can give a grieving friend is your quiet, steady presence. Sometimes, people just need someone to sit with them—no fixing, no advice, no expectations. Whether they want to share memories, cry, or sit in silence, simply being there shows them they’re not alone.
When you do speak, choose your words with care. You don’t need to say much. In fact, saying less and listening more often brings the most comfort. Offer your heart, your ears, and your time—that’s often more healing than anything else.
Offer Specific, Thoughtful Help
In the wake of a loss, it’s common to say, “Let me know if you need anything.” While well-intentioned, it puts the burden on the grieving person to figure out what to ask for—something that can feel impossible when they’re already overwhelmed.
Instead, offer help that’s concrete and easy to accept. Try:
- “I’ll bring dinner by this Wednesday—what time works best?”
- “I’ve got a few hours Saturday morning. Want me to run errands or take the dog for a walk?”
- “I pass the school on my way home—can I pick the kids up for you this week?”
Even small acts of kindness can feel monumental during times of grief. Thoughtful gestures—offered without pressure—remind your friend they are cared for in the little and big things.
Create a Comforting Care Package
A care package can be a beautiful, tangible expression of your support. It doesn’t have to be elaborate—just heartfelt. Include things like:
- Healthy snacks or ready-made meals
- Toiletries or cozy comforts like a candle, journal, or blanket
- A handwritten note or book about grief
- Resources for support if they want them
It’s not about fixing the pain. It’s about offering warmth, comfort, and the simple reminder that they are held in love.
We offer a couple of options on our website – there are meals, care packages, even cleaning support and accomodation. Click here to see more: https://www.tongandperyer.co.nz/livestream-tribute-listings/
What to Avoid Saying
In our effort to say something comforting, we sometimes reach for common phrases that can unintentionally hurt. Try to avoid expressions like:
- “They’re in a better place now.”
- “Everything happens for a reason.”
- “I know how you feel.”
- “Don’t cry—they wouldn’t want you to.”
These phrases often dismiss the real pain your friend is feeling or try to frame their loss as something to be “solved.” Instead, offer empathy and openness. Say:
- “I’m so sorry this happened.”
- “I don’t have the right words, but I’m here for you.”
- “This must be incredibly hard—please know I care.”
Grief is deeply personal, and the best thing we can do is honour it—without rushing it or trying to reshape it.
Walking Beside Them
At its core, supporting a grieving friend is not about knowing exactly what to do or say. It’s about showing up, again and again, with kindness, patience, and a willingness to sit with them in the dark. You don’t have to lead them out of it—but your presence can help them feel a little less alone as they find their way through.
Let your love speak in actions. Let your compassion guide your words. And trust that even the smallest gestures—when offered from the heart—can bring profound comfort.
