A Funeral Director’s Take on Saying Goodbye.
“A funeral isn’t about closure. It’s about connection.”
Having lived in multiple countries across the world, I’ve learned something simple but powerful: no two goodbyes should ever look the same. Every life is unique — and every farewell deserves to be too.
From Egypt, Bali, the UK, America, Latvia Australia and back to Aotearoa, New Zealand.
Working in big cities and then in small-town New Zealand has shown me that grief looks different everywhere, but compassion is always the same.
Here, Māori customs and strong family traditions have taught me that the best funerals aren’t delivered from a checklist — they’re shaped around the person we’re honouring.
The Goodbye That Stayed With Me
I’ll never forget one particular farewell. The gentleman’s passing was heartbreaking, but his funeral became a colourful, heartfelt celebration of his spirit, and every element reflected who he was and how people remembered him.
His family still tells me how much it helps them today. That’s the weight — and privilege — of this work.
Helping Families Slow Down
Loss is a whirlwind. Theres the initial impact and sometimes shock, the grief (which by the way is real and unique for everyone), the activities that need to be managed just to let people know. I had a lady say to me just last week, “Dads funeral was almost traumatic, there was so much to do in such a short time frame, and everyone had such huge expectations about the service we needed to give him. It has stayed with me and I just can’t do that for Mum”.
Our role is to pause the chaos, guiding families through each decision gently and carefully. Sometimes, we even help bridge disagreements — offering respectful, creative solutions that feel right for everyone.
More Than Just a Business
Funerals aren’t about transactions. They’re about showing up — even at 2 a.m. — to help families through their hardest days. We do this work because we care. Simple as that.
The Future of Farewells
Green burials. Family-led ceremonies. Livestreams connecting loved ones across the globe. Funerals are evolving, blending tradition with modern needs. And that’s a good thing! I am encouraged that people want to acknowledge death and celebrate a life differently.
If You’re Facing Loss…
Whether you’re planning ahead or saying goodbye now, you don’t have to do it alone. We’re here to listen, guide, and create a farewell that feels genuine — something that truly reflects the life lived.
Let’s Create Something That Matters
At Tong & Peryer, we don’t believe in one-size-fits-all goodbyes. We believe in farewells filled with heart, honesty, and care.
📞 Get in touch on 06 878 5149 — let’s talk about creating a meaningful goodbye, together.
