Honouring an Individual's Life

To Honour | To Remember | To Heal.

Being trusted with something as important as a person’s final wishes is an honour and a privilege that we never take lightly.

After a funeral, we’re delighted when we hear people say things like ‘she would have loved this’ or ‘that suited our dad down to a tee’ or ‘that was just what my sister would have wanted’.
This is one of the reasons why we don’t sell funeral packages. Every aspect of the funeral — from coffins to celebrants, flowers to vehicles — is tailored to suit what’s right for you.

“I think the starting point for every funeral should be the personality of the person who has died,” explains Steve, Branch Manager at Tong and Peryer funeral directors.
“Most people start by thinking about what a funeral ‘should’ be like and then try to make it suit their person. But try not to worry about making it like other funerals you’ve attended — first and foremost, it’s about the person.”

For us, every funeral is unique and deeply personal. The choices available are limitless and we ensure you are able to create a tailored funeral befitting your loved one . You can also be assured that you’ll receive uncomplicated explanations and open and honest answers in order for you to make informed choiced and decisions.

We are here to guide you through every stage, with uncompromising compassion. You are assigned one of our Funeral Directors who is with you through the entire journey. They are committed to delivering to our superior standards and we promise to provide unequalled support, reassurance and attention to detail when arranging a funeral or memorial.

Every person is unique and a Funeral can be designed to celebrate your loved one’s life story. You will have the flexibility to choose a specific type of funeral; whether you wish to arrange a traditional funeral service or would prefer something a little bit different. There are lots of choices you can make, from arranging unique funeral transport to deciding where the service will be held.

Your funeral director will guide you through every step, including liaising with the necessary third parties on your behalf. They will take on the responsibility for ensuring everything is perfectly organised to deliver a fitting tribute for your loved one.

Keeping things simple when arranging a funeral is important

To help friends and family through this difficult event, we put special emphasis on making the process of organising a funeral as simple and as transparent as possible. People feel like they need to rush things, but we dont agree. There is time to get things right but more importantly, this is your time to mourn the loss of someone dear.

Funeral arrangements are kept straightforward so there’s one less thing for you to worry about during this time of stress and mourning. Our role is to gently guide you to the right decisions, at the right time and endeavor not to overwhelm you with choice. We shoulder as much of the burden as necessary to ensure you get the appropriate space to start to understand and accept your loss. Some people prefer to be completely hands-off, whilst others actively engage – there’s no right or wrong.

Being trusted with something as important as a person’s final wishes is an honour and a privilege that we never take lightly.

Contacting Family and Friends

If you are closest to the person who has just died, you should not feel like you have to rush to tell other people until you are ready. Be kind to yourself first and foremost.

If you need to call to tell several people about the death, it can be emotionally tiring. It may be helpful if you can share the calls with another close family member or friend. People are always willing to help, so dont be afraid to ask for support.

Newspaper notices are still a popular way to contact people and social media is a very popular option as you have the ability to add as much content and pictures as you think necessary.

Talking to a child about someone close to them dying can be difficult. You may worry that you will frighten them or say the wrong thing. But it’s important to be open and to answer any questions they have as honestly as you can. Children can be more resilient than we think.

Also have a think about any trusted advisors like spiritual leaders, sporting and interest groups and business associates as this can be helpful to communicate to a wider audience. (They are also very good at rallying around and gathering the troops).

Floral tributes and symbolism

Many people associate funerals with grand floral arrangements. And if that’s your style, then go for it! If not, you could add your own garden flowers or vegetables combined with something a florist will make or, you may decide not to have flowers at all.

As an alternative to flowers, we’ve seen coffins beautifully topped with origami flowers, personal items (such as a fishing rod, a knitting basket or walking boots) or even adorned with homegrown fruit and veg.

There is no right or wrong and we encourage you to personalise this element to truly reflect who the person has died was, and what you would like them to be remembered for.

Many families choose to remember their loved one with donations in lieu of flowers. You can encourage people to make online donations using the newspaper notice, the Tong and Peryer obituary page or on your social media posts. Most charities have online payment

Service sheets and memory tables

A funeral service is a very personaloccasion and people will often have different requirements. We try and meet all those requirements when it comes to design.

A funeral order of service booklet, typically called a service sheet, provides a schedule of the ceremony (order of service) and can be given out to mourners as they arrive, or even sent to people who cannot attend.

The order of service may include words to hymns, songs, poems, readings, can include photographs, or anything else you would like added, creating a unique commemoration of someone’s life. Many treasure these as keepsakes they keep forever so are a significant part of the funeral occasion.

Many families personalise the booklet or a create memory table with extra photographs or display their loved one’s favourite quotations, song lyrics or poems. You can even include a timeline of the person’s life, picking out key milestones and achievements such as their graduation, wedding day or retirement. Wehave even done a collection of broaches that were given out at the funeral and a collection of infamous cookbooks people were invited to take away.

Words, photos, music and more

The funeral ceremony itself usually consists of words and music. But which words and which music? Well, that is entirely your call. We can make suggestions and can search out almost any track you can think of. Your celebrant can also help come up with ideas.

There are no limits on the style of music you can choose or the type of poem, prayer or reading you can include. You can have recorded or live music or encourage guests at the funeral to join in. Find more music ideas here.

In addition, many people find it very meaningful to include photos, perhaps projected on a screen, or a symbolic action, such as tying ribbons on the coffin, sharing a memory of the person who has died or writing messages during the ceremony.

These symbolic actions are a way to include everyone in the service, and make it much more personal for everyone who is there.

Deciding who will lead a ceremony

It could be a religious leader, a friend or family member, or a professional funeral celebrant. You could make it a team effort, with several people planning and leading the ceremony. It’s up to you.

If you are looking for a celebrant, we can give information and recommendations, so that you can find the right match. For example, you might want someone who shares the same interests, spiritual beliefs or background as the person who has died. Or someone whose style matches the tone you want to set for the funeral.

Celebrants can also come up with creative and helpful suggestions for how to personalise the service in other ways.

Caring for the deceased

Our role is to ensure we care for the living as much as for those who have died. We will guide and support you where required as you come to terms with the loss of a loved one and start the journey of grief, whether the deceased stays in the funeral home or goes home to you until the funeral.

Laying out a person’s body when they died was once something that anyone might do in a lifetime, a final gesture of care and kindness, as well as a practical task. For some people, preparing a body may provide comfort and fulfil a sense of duty.

We invite all our families to engage in those things they feel comfortable with. Some wish to continue a caring role and find great comfort in helping us to wash and dress their loved one. Others simply wish to spend time with the person who has died at the funeral home. Our family rooms are quiet and peaceful and can be personalised with favourite photos, music and personal items to help make it more familiar.

Whether activity involved or simply wanting to use our space to quietly select photos or write a eulogy, the funeral home is open for our families to commune and find solace in loss, as we collectively care for the person we are honouring.

Recent examples of personalisation

We believe so strongly that everybody is unique and therefore so should their funerals, so we dont do any package offerings.
As much as we can, we like to personalise the service to reflect peoples cultures, personal values, interests, and careers.

A proud third generation farmer

We carried his casket on his green tractor to the tune Big Green Tractor. His casket sat on hay bales inside the woolshed (on the land his family had farmed for 3 generations) where the service and refreshments were carried out. Later, we went back with his ashes and held a memorial service on top of the highest point on the farm where we scattered his ashes also attended by his beloved dogs and horses as part of his celebration of life.

When a prominent chef died

All her recipe books and articles that had been published were proudly displayed at the service and her guests were asked to take one at the end of the service to ensure her legacy continued. Close friends were invited to make one of her recipies to bring along for refreshments and her favourite fruit cake recipe was printed on her service sheet.

An artist’s family wanted us to share their mums work one last time

We turned St Lukes church into a gallery of sorts by displaying some of her paintings. We also used the artist’s self portrait, had it miniaturised into a service sheet and printed a poem that she had written on the reverse side to hand out to those attending. Her casket had her paints, brushes and palette proudly displayed.

A young child came into our care

Everyone wore angel wings and were given bubbles to blow as we left the crematorium.

She was reknowned for tea parties

Whether at a favourite cafe or in her home, she was known for her elaborate afternoon tea parties. So, how fitting that we had her ‘afternoon tea service’ at Birdwoods with fine china, silver service tea sets and amazing finger food. Family and friends shared stories of her life and as an acomplished pianist, recordings of her music played quietly in the background.

The Hawkes Bay forestry pioneer was honoured

A huge influencer of forestry in Hawkes Bay had all his lumbering equipment with him at his service. His trustee workboots held the flower arrangement and his casket spray was made of native foliage instead of traditional flowers.

He loved his gardening and fishing

He was happiest in his garden or out fishing. His casket spray was made of vegetables which included miniture fishing rods and guests were invited to bring produce from their gardens to place on his casket before the service.

His love of surfing and the beach

He loved the beach. He travelled the world with his trusty surfboard and so his funeral at the beach was so fitting. Shells were placed on his casket at the end of the service and his friends and family sent floral offerings out to sea. His surfboard was cremated with him and his ashes spread at a special place at a Hawkes Bay beach a few months later where his friends took him for his final surf.