Should You Take A Child to a Funeral?
It’s a question many parents quietly wrestle with: Should I take my child to a funeral?
You’re not alone in wondering. We often speak with families who are unsure whether it’s appropriate – or even helpful – to bring children along to a funeral service. There are concerns they might not understand what’s happening, or that their presence could be disruptive.
These are completely natural thoughts to have. But involving children in farewells can be a meaningful part of their learning about life, love, and loss.
Are Children Allowed at Funerals?
In most cases, yes – children are welcome at funerals, no matter their age. That said, every family and every farewell is different. If you’re unsure, it’s always okay to check in with the immediate family, or have a quiet word with the funeral director. It’s all about what feels right for everyone involved.
How Young is Too Young?
There’s no one-size-fits-all answer. A toddler might not grasp the concept of death, but they can still feel the emotion in the room and the absence of a loved one. As they grow, their understanding deepens – usually around the age of 8 or so, children begin to comprehend the finality of death.
Teenagers tend to have a mature understanding, and may also start forming their own beliefs around dying and grief.
The most important thing is to respond to your child as an individual. Some children might want to be there; others might feel more comfortable staying away.
Things to Consider
Here are a few helpful questions to guide your decision:
- Has your child expressed a wish to attend?
- How long is the service likely to be?
- Will they be able to sit through it comfortably?
- Could they have support from a trusted adult during the ceremony?
If you’re playing an active role in the funeral – perhaps giving a reading or carrying the casket – you might consider asking someone close to keep an eye on your child so you can focus on your part in the service.
And if you’re bringing a baby or toddler, it can be useful to have a quiet toy or book on hand in case they become unsettled. (We have a box of toys at our Crestwood chapel).
Talking to Children About Funerals
If your child does want to come, a gentle conversation ahead of time can go a long way. Let them know what to expect – the people, the quiet moments, the tears – and be ready for their questions.
Using simple, age-appropriate language helps them feel secure and informed.
Alternatives to Attending
Sometimes, attending the funeral might feel too much for a child – and that’s okay too.
There are other ways they can say goodbye. Visiting the graveside, lighting a candle, drawing a picture, or helping to create a memory box or scrapbook can all be comforting alternatives. Keepsakes such as memory bears or fingerprint jewellery can also help children feel connected to the person who’s died.
We’re Here if You Need to Talk
At Tong & Peryer, we’ve supported generations of families through life’s hardest goodbyes – and we understand how sensitive these decisions can be.
If you’re still unsure about bringing your child to a funeral, feel free to reach out. We’re here to offer gentle guidance, practical suggestions, and a warm cuppa if you’d like to chat in person.
You’re never alone in this.
